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After a hiatus from writing (three years to be exact) there are so many things I need to catch you up on. I’ve been extremely busy. Most recently, I’ve been busy trying to figure out what happened to my plans. I was going along in life with plans that I thought would definitely hold true. I had plans to get our ministry to flourish and reach more people. I had plans to earn my masters degree and move up in my career. None of my plans have prevailed, yet. It was not my plan to be sitting across from the desk of a stranger and hear the words come out of her mouth, “You may have cancer.” At that very moment life paused and numbness fell completely over me. I had heard about cancer. I had even walked through the process with my own mom, but for some reason some part of me could not believe it would ever be my story. In the initial days, I remember asking Father God, “Why me?” “Why right now?” I also remember Him asking me, “Why not you?” “Why not now?” As much as I wanted it to be a nightmare, one that I would wake up from, it was real. I was really going to have to walk this journey, feel these feelings, be completely scared, afraid, and just have the strength to only stand until there was a sign from the Lord on what to do next.
Hindsight, what I thought would be unbearable, scary, and truly a valley of the shadow of death type of experience has been nothing more than a way for Father God to say, “I love you.” I know it’s weird. What type of God would allow a terminal illness to manifest in the one that He loves, scare them completely out of their pants, and watch them cry themselves to sleep? How is this love? Where is His love in all of this?
I will tell you! In so many ways, He has shown me through this experience His overwhelming love for me. Had he not allowed me to be humbled, broken, and placed me in a still position I would not have recognized that I was really being diagnosed with His love and favor. He has been with me every step of the way. He’s provided for me. He’s sent people from my past back to my life. He’s used the hands and feet of so many to tell me one simple message, “I love you.” When he comforts me in the wee hours, He is saying, “I love you.” When the tears seem more than the smiles. He catches every last one because of his love for me. We will never be able to comprehend the love of the Father. HIs love is indescribable, incomparable, and unmeasurable. We will never know the depth or the full power of His love. The tests and trials that come our way are opportunities for His love to embrace us, walk with us, and hold us through it until the end.
I’ve ministered to so many people and shared the message that, “God Loves You,” but this one was for me. He loves Me! I’m so grateful He interrupted my plans, grabbed my attention, and held me still just to say, “I love you.”
1 John 4:7-8
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loves is born of God, and knows God. He that loves not knows not God; for God is love.